We know when we need anger management because there is that moment when you shake your fist at another car on the motorway, or when your patience snaps with the kids, or when a colleague at work just doesn’t do what you want, or when your partner just says the wrong thing.
Does it do you any good?
NO. It makes you ill, it frightens and upsets those around you, it can lose your your job, your family, even your life.
Now of course, if someone has hurt you, you are entitled to be angry. If there is a burglar in your house, your anger could save your life. But we get angry and frustrated when we don’t need to be, and that is where some people have a serious problem.
The reason why powerful negative emotions such as anger seem uncontrollable is that they come from the unconscious mind. Our unconscious mind is much faster than our conscious mind, which is why these thoughts arrive before we can stop them.
So we need to reprogram the unconscious mind with anger management. This can be done, using NLP in combination with Timeline therapy©. We go back to the root cause of your anger, because this is a reaction that you would have learned from somewhere, from your parents maybe, or other people.
A lot of anger can come from frustration. This can be caused by issues with communication, quite often we may find that we are trying to get our message across to someone else and they just don’t seem to understand. To illustrate this, here is a short description of a case study:
Client X is an older man who had grown up in a childhood where he needed anger to compete, and in an industry where being forceful and physical is an asset. But he changed recently and took on a career as owner of a business which requires regular government inspection from largely female inspectors. So now he needs anger management.
He resented these inspectors and they disliked him. He dressed at that time in his usual casual clothes, and used the same loud communication style he has always used. He came to see me because he realised that he was on the verge of being shut down, not because of his standards, but purely because of the personality clash between him and the inspectors.
So we worked on his understanding of others, explaining that the inspectors came from a very different background to him, and that they could very easily interpret his bluntness as bullying and intimidating. We worked on his language so that he learned the kind of vocabulary the inspectors would be used to. We also turned down the volume and tone of his voice and agreed that he would wear a suit. I advised him how to set up his office so that instead of feeling trapped, the inspectors chairs were located near a door so they could get up and leave unhindered.
When they turned up for what could have been the closure visit, instead of Mr Angry, they met Mr Professional and the visit was a huge success.
TOP TIP: Road rage is very common, and one of the reasons is that we see other people’s behaviour in their cars as targeted at us. But of course it isn’t. The car that just cut you up may not have seen you- after all, visibility in modern cars can be quite poor because of the thickness of the pillars in the car that contain a roll cage and possibly even an air bag. They could be lost, or newly passed their test, or trying to understand their sat nav, or tourists from overseas…
You see what I mean? There will have been times you got in the wrong lane, or were driving somewhere new, or just made a mistake.
Think before you react, it can be done.
Unwanted anger can be changed. It is a solvable problem, so don’t despair! Here is a testimonial from a young man who recognised his problems early and got help: