Sex is amazing, and it is so nice and wonderful, even if you are doing it by yourself, but it can be a cause of addiction and despair. It is probably one of the most creative aspects of human nature, when it comes to sex literally anything the imagination can create can be done.

Sex is funny too. Where would humour be without sex? Imagine the Carry-On films without double entendres. Even the ancient Greeks, the people who gave us science and philosophy and who created great warrior nations like Sparta, even they laughed their heads off at the comedies of Aristophanes where burly actors ran around the stage with enormous phalluses tied to their waists.

Who indeed can forget the great Billy Connolly who described his shock at how ugly the scrotum is when he saw it in the mirrored ceiling of a hotel room. He said that when God created Man he had a load of elbow skin left over so he decided to create a little bag to carry the testicles in.

As adolescents our journey into the world of sex may contains moments of joy, embarrassment, wonder, shock, trembling excitement and perhaps even disbelief. I can only really speak for boys here, but I remember puberty as being like having red hot ants permanently under your skin. Those hormones can indeed rage through us at that time.

So where am I heading with this?

Sex is a source of fun, joy, love, pleasure and so on. But we also associate it with pain, guilt, harassment, bullying, abuse, rape, torture and death. Indeed it can reveal all the worst aspects of human nature and create sex addiction.

So today I am going to talk about pornography, just one aspect of sex addiction. Unfortunately I have to begin with “Well, back in my day…”.  Please try not to yawn or roll your eyes at this point. I’m not some old fart about to start moaning about teenagers, or days when we only had two genders, or anything like that.

Because this is serious and you need to listen. Before the internet took off, if an adult wanted to look at porn he had to go into a newsagent and physically buy a magazine. Sex shops were few and far between. A lot of teenagers probably encountered porn when their big brother shared their magazine with them. Back then, the best sources of titillation were lingerie catalogues, National Geographic magazines, art, and looking up rude words in the dictionary.

Now, a child can discover hard porn almost immediately with a smart phone. I monitor a group online that helps people recover from porn and sex addiction. A lot of the people who post there are teenagers who already have a problem. Some started looking at porn from the age of 8 or even younger.

I hate to be a party-pooper, but this is serious.

Real-life quotes about sex addiction.

Here are some genuine and very moving quotes from their posts:

I sit here in front of my PC looking at porn. It’s 1:27, just like last night and the night before that. It is sad to say that I am crying here, I do this every day. There is an overwhelming feeling that I can’t stop, I know this isn’t healthy but I can’t stop and don’t know why. I feel like I can’t tell anyone because they would despise me, they wouldn’t understand at all and they would be ashamed of me.’

‘I feel powerless and that it’s impossible to quit. When I try to quit it’s like the equivalent of trying to stop breathing. It makes me hate myself. My mind is completely consumed by it, but I feel like my soul doesn’t want me to stop. I’m a slave to it. I’m so screwed.’

’28 year old and have been addicted since my early teens. We have become so dependent on smartphones, it’s a powerful tool that serves us but for a porn addict, its like having an endless supply of heroin right there in your pocket.’

‘I’m 14 and have an addiction to porn. Due to no child lock being on the wifi, I could literally browse through almost anything, and I’d seen a bunch of things that have definitely affected me from as of now.’

‘ I need some help. I am into some really weird stuff. I’m 15 and lately I’ve been masturbating to some weird stuff like creepshots and degrading. At first it was just vanilla, then I got into BDSM and then I started watching slave porn and then rape. I’ve also searched for underage stuff and I’m becoming a weirdo. I’m addicted to the feeling but then I get guilt after I do it. This addiction is ruining my self confidence and self esteem. Porn also makes my anxiety worse.’

‘I’m and 18 year old girl and I’ve had a porn addiction since I was 10. It lead to porn escalation and I was getting off to kinks. I was genuinely disturbed but for some reason I couldn’t stop. There is no enjoyment but my body still responds. I feel disgusting because I’m uncomfortable with these kinks and I can’t deal with the intrusive thoughts.’

How sex addicts feel.

All of these quotes are just a small selection of a series of posts over only 5 days. I cried as I typed this. We are allowing a generation to grow up who have a distorted view of sex and the role of women. Perhaps worse. We like to think that each generation advances a little more than the previous one, but I’m not sure that’s true.

Whatever you may think about the people posting messages like this, they are all a cry for help. Quite often a desperate cry.

You may also notice how isolated people feel and how reluctant they are to ask for help. They feel powerless and weak because they can’t find a way out. They are worried about being judged and hated. So they spiral down, desperate to feel comfort but only finding it in porn. Rationality vanishes. They know they could be risking so much but they don’t stop and they believe they can’t stop.

They also know that if they had chosen drugs, alcohol, gambling, shoplifting and so on, society wouldn’t approve but society would understand. But when an addiction is sexual, society doesn’t understand and is quick to point the finger and scream abuse. So they stay quiet and just spiral down into a terrible place.

So what can they do?

Get help. This problem is well known in the medical and mental health professions, so you will find a lot more kindness and support out there than you expect. There are also organisations such as Sex Addicts Anonymous which can provide you with structured long-term support. If you attend this kind of meeting you will find that you are not alone, and also that recovery is possible.

I’ll say it again. Get help. If you don’t, you will only find that the situation will get worse. You have a sex addiction, that’s all that matters. Addictions can be cured, salvation is possible. You can indeed move from dignity to despair.  (Sex addicts anonymous)

You are not alone

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